In many families, we encounter a pattern that resembles the biblical story of the Prodigal Son.
One sibling tries to do everything right: helping everyone, working hard, and being considerate of others. They rarely ask for favours and do their best to manage life’s challenges on their own.
The other sibling chooses a very different approach to life. They are primarily concerned with their own interests and success. They pay little attention to other people’s difficulties and rarely offer help. They ask for favours (and receive them), but feel no obligation to give anything in return.
Unfortunately, real life often reflects the biblical story.
The family continues to support the prodigal sibling, who is “always in trouble”. They are the one who receives the fattened calf, financial support, property as a gift, or a larger share of the inheritance. They are not expected to care for their ageing or ill parents, because the other sibling is always there to take on that responsibility.
As a result, despite their “constant problems”, the prodigal sibling often enjoys a remarkably easy and comfortable life compared to their brother or sister.
But what happens to the hardworking, well-intentioned sibling in the meantime?
In the “best-case scenario”, they spend their entire life quietly feeling resentful, unable to understand why the world — or rather, their family — is so unfair.
In less fortunate cases, they unconsciously carry their role within the family into their romantic relationships and professional life.
They may choose a partner — sometimes repeatedly — who takes advantage of them, exploiting their love, kindness, and willingness to help. In doing so, they recreate the original family dynamic again and again, unconsciously hoping that this time things will turn out differently. Perhaps this time they will finally be loved and appreciated as they deserve.
The same pattern often appears in the workplace.
They become the person who always completes every task on time, or even ahead of schedule. They take on other people’s responsibilities when those people fail to fulfil them.
Yet the ultimate goal — to feel loved, valued, and appreciated — remains out of reach.
Unconsciously, they may have chosen an environment in which the original family dynamic can be repeated. And even if the environment was not initially like that, their behaviour may gradually help create the very pattern they are trying to escape.
How Can We Break Free From This Unconscious Vicious Cycle?
The family, partner, or employer is unlikely to voluntarily change a familiar and comfortable dynamic that works in their favour.
The hardworking sibling must therefore begin by recognising the roots of their own role in these relationships.
The next step is to discover new ways of behaving that allow them to remain true to their values without constantly overextending themselves or taking on more than their fair share.
Ultimately, the goal is to build relationships in which their kindness, commitment, and care are reciprocated — where they, too, receive the love, consideration, and recognition they deserve.
If breaking free from these deeply ingrained patterns feels too difficult to manage alone, a skilled therapist can offer guidance and support throughout the process.